Notes on Japan: A Rambo Mini-series

As you all may or may not know I have recently returned from a nine day visit to the land of the rising sun. Some of you have expressed interest in hearing about it while others among you would prefer that I die slowly and painfully. All in good time friends. Since I mostly write on this blog (or plan to as this is my first post) at work when I should be working, I don't have time to write one long post about my journey. I have decided to just write one little jaunt about it each time I decide to post, probably about every two days, unless I'm really busy or horribly bored. In any event, this should work out well for all parties involved: I don't have time to write long posts and those of you that can read don't have the attention span to read them. I'll try to post some pictures for the illiterate members of the group (ffeJ). Think of these Japan posts as like a heterosexual version of Sim Simma's grind my gears sections.

Post # 1: Japan's obsession with not getting sick:

I always thought you guys were germaphobes because you thought it was gross when I ate that 3 day old DUC pizza slice that I left under the couch of Turman South. But the Japanese are PARANOID of germs and disease. As soon as my plane touched down at the Tokyo Narita airport, the captain informed us that we would have to remain on board the plane for an additional 1-2 hours while we waited for a biohazard crew to come scan everyone with an infrared camera to check for the now infamous swine flu (called "pig virus" by the Japanese). While in quarantine we had one of two options: filling out a health form survey or watching the thrilling conclusion of "The Curious Case of Benjamin Button." Between the prospect of catching a disease almost as deadly as SARS and being in a foreign country, I was in no shape to handle Benjamin Button so I opted for the former. The questionnaire was the Japanese language version because the English language one was out of stock; and therefore I needed a Japanese flight attendant to help me fill out the form. Not to bore you with every detail, but I did find this funny; one of the questions was: "Have you visited or had contact with someone who visited Canada, the US, or Mexico in the past 10 days?" The flight had come out of LA. I answered "No." After 45 minutes of waiting, we were visited by a crew that looked like extras from "28 days later." They filmed everyone with a camera and then we were allowed to leave.

During my stay in Japan I saw a lot of people wearing gauze surgical masks. Apparently a thin cotton mask is thought to be an effective barrier to germs; people who are sick wear them to prevent themselves from infecting others, and people who are healthy wear them as disease armor. You might ask yourself "why don't they just brush their teeth?" I don't know, but I think it has something to do with why they don't go to the orthodontist either. I also noticed a lot of people sniffing loudly and frequently, the kind of sniffing you would expect from a novice cocaine user who's just taken some real good shit. My friend told me later that, contrary to my hopes, there was not a big coke scene in Tokyo, but rather people were sniffing because they couldn't blow their noses. Apparently blowing ones nose in public is thought to spread germs. It is extremely offensive and is equivalent to eating Taco Bell and then shitting in public. I just wish I'd known sooner, maybe I would not have shot that snot-rocket… maybe. Gotta get back to work. More later. I hate you all.