The Hangover Retro-Diary

I would like to quickly thank Bill Simmons for gracing our blog with his presence the other day or I probably would have never thought of the idea for this entry...
So Sim Simma, Drama and I decided to go see the The Hangover Monday night. Sim Simma was going to go see it with Warhammer and their girls Sunday, but Drama and I weren't back from Charleston yet, and Sim Simma was gracious enough to wait a day to go watch it with us. You hear that Warhammer, ONE DAY! You couldn't wait ONE F*&#ING DAY to go see it with your bros! What a pal you are! Anyways, since we had great evening Monday (and let's be honest with ourselves here, how many times have we said that in our life? Seriously? I enjoy Mondays as much as I like watching Keeping up with the Kardashians.), I decided to write a mini retro-diary on the evening. I promise no spoilers for the losers who haven't seen the movie yet. I also would like to apologize for the ADD folks in the group (which I think is just about everyone), but diary's can only be so short even if they are "mini."

5 P.M. - About to leave work when I get a call from Sim Simma. Atlantic Station has the movie at 8:50, Midtown at 9:40. I suggest the 8:50 movie, but I can sense the resistance to that in his voice. I think I've finally reached the point in our friendship when I can actually determine when Sim Simma is being his usual indecisive self and when he actually wants to do something but doesn't say it. I'm on to you buddy.

6:15 P.M. - I get home from work and reluctantly agree to go to the 9:40 showing based on 3 points:
1. We can walk to/from the Midtown theater (neither of which we actually end up doing however).
2. The movie is short and therefore we could still get home before midnight so I won't turn into a pumpkin.
3. Even though that's later than I wanted, I remembered this is supposed to be a pretty funny movie. It's not like we were going to see Land of the Lost or something. (Quick tangent: When is Will Ferrell going to realize he's no longer relevant or funny anymore? Land of the Lost? Semi-Pro? Blades of Glory? Really??? He's done MAYBE 3 decent movies since Old School. When are producers going to recognize this and stop pumping $$ into him. I want to see a graphic showing the relationship between his screen time and movie revenue. I'm absolutely certain there's a negative correlation there. One of my readers get on this, I know you people have nothing better to do.)

8:15 P.M. - I get back from my nice 10 miler to finish my workout only to hear Standby's going on a date with some dude not named Sim Simma (WHAAAAAATTTT????). Something about thanking him for the blah blah blah. I stopped listening immediately because there is never a reasonable explanation to this in my mind. That's just not right Standby, and you know it.

9 P.M. - Finished my workout and head downstairs only to come across 4 fun facts (well I guess fun is a relative term here):
1. Standby wasn't kidding and actually left to go on a date.
2. Sim Simma has begun to drink heavily and has a handle of rum in his hands. This is never a good thing.
3. I still haven't eaten dinner and can't find anything.
4. We're less than an hour away from the movie and it's time for me to start drinking.

9:25 P.M. - A few drinks and a frozen pizza and we're out the door with bottles heavy on the alcohol, light on the mixers.

9:35 P.M. - After showing up to the theater, we find out we have to buy tickets inside. This looks too easy to me. Drama pulls his patent "look at me I'm on the phone and I know what I'm doing/ where I'm going" move once we find out which side of the theater the movie's on. He proceeds to walk past everybody without a word from any employee. Jackpot. One by one we all sneak past - nothing like a free movie. (Take that Warhammer! How much did YOU pay for the movie? That's right, dominated.)

9:50 P.M. Drama's drunk ADD kicks in and is all over the place during the rest of the previews. Dude can't sit still and only calms down once the movie is on and he has a legitimate form on entertainment in front of him.

10:25 P.M. - I finish my drink, show it to Sim Simma, but he's not looking so good and still has a long way to go.

10:40 P.M. - Sim Simma looks at me with the saddest face I've ever seen. It's like he ran over my dog with his car and now his mom is making him tell me about it. I'm wondering what in the hell is wrong with him. He proceeds to look down at the floor and his drink and say, "Dude I just can't finish it." Meow Meow Meow.

11:25 P.M. - Sim Simma officially blacks out.

12 A.M. - We get back to our place and Drama takes off. Instead of his customary drunk Quesadilla making, he puts the rest of his drink in the fridge, mumbles something about being too hammered, and wanders into his room without another word.

8 A.M. - The next morning as we're about to leave for work, we discuss the movie a bit. "Dude, I thought the movie was pretty funny," he says, "except I don't really remember much of it."

Ladies and gentlemen, your 2009 Sim Simma!

Now that my friends, was an entertaining Monday.