Back to School Questions. How was your summer? What classes are you taking? The people asking these questions really only want to tell you how great their summer was and what classes they are taking. Other vacuous comments include, "you got so tan!" "I haven't seen you forever!" "Have you bought your books?" or "I'm in that class with you too!" This initial feigned interest gives way to distant acknowledgments as the weeks slip away. -Palosaurus Rex (08/23/09 - 08/29/09)
Let our Gears cease grinding for a while as we pay respect and reflect on a fallen friend.
Getting 'Rick Rolled'. For those of you who don't what the hell I'm talking about: 'Rick Rolled' is when you go to watch a video on YouTube only to find out that instead of seeing "Singled Out: Jenny McCarthy side boob highlights" or "KKK Rally Denver '09" or whatever you people watch you end up with the video for the 1987 hit single "Never Gonna Give You Up" by Rick Astley. Sometimes it's not even the real video, it's just a montage of photographs of Astley, which is in many ways worse, depending on the pictures. If I were making a playlist for a crossbow/chainsaw rampage would this song be on it? Only time will tell...-Rambo (08/02/09 - 08/08/09)
Society.I've grown weary of your stifling norms and unsightly structures. Soon after tackling an evidence final on Tuesday, I will have a respite from your tiresome rule. Four days on the dusty trail is the salve for my open sore. Four nights of campfire meals. Four nights of open sky. Behold, weathered boots and trusty backpack, Olympic National Park awaits.
-Palosaurus Rex (07/26/09 - 08/01/09)
People who don't wear deoderant. Palosaurus Rex is an idiot and deleted this ... plus he doesn't wear deoderant in 90 degree weather so I guess my real pet peeve here is him. Go to CVS and spend the two dollars. Or follow Rambo, shit, he does it for free.
-Sim Simma(07/19/09-07/25/09)
People who hang family photos in their bathroom. What's better than a taking leisurely bowl-busting dump? Taking a leisurely bowl-busting dump in someone else's bathroom of course! Unless that someone else hangs family photographs all over the walls. Then it becomes 30 minutes of fetid awkwardness, timidly releasing ones bowls under the static gaze of dozens of watchful eyes and shit-eating grins. Extra awkwardness points go to families that hang pictures of relatives that have clearly been dead for longer than you've been alive. Nothing quite like great aunt Mildred's stern glare from beyond the grave when you're trying to squeeze one out. Why the fuck would anyone do this? I mean, I don't have a strong desire to re-live my family's 1993 visit to Disney World while in the can. Maybe it's an attempt to prevent users from taking a number 3 in that particular commode. Well, if that was the intent I got one thing to say: Better luck next time Aunt Mildred!
-Rambo (07/12/09-07/18/09)
Holidays. I like days off, but I hate holidays. I work hard to come up with a daily routine that I enjoy, only for it to be ruined on those special days. I come from the smallest of families, so there's usually nothing to do when all the stores are closed, television is playing a crappy marathon of celebrity drug overdoses, and no one else is around to do anything. Bah humbug.
-Drama (07/05/09-07/11/09)
Tech Support. I am currently sitting in my cubicle even though I should be out having lunch. Why? Because tech support said they would call me back soon. I am at their mercy and let me tell you, they have none. They could give two and a half shits if "soon" means they end up calling me in 5 hours making me waste a day of work rotting in my soul crushing cubicle. I bet one is playing World of Warcraft right now. Can't you just see him oozing out of his chair while smearing some cheeto powder across his face with his sleeve? Warhammer, I'm going need you to kill him quickly so he can get back to my call. Ok? Thanks.
-Sim Simma (06/28/09-07/04/09)
Nothing. I am at peace with the world. -Palosaurus Rex? (06/21/09-06/27/09)
Rush Hour Radio: It's as if the DJ at DC's only rock station thinks to himself, "hmmm... it's 6:15, Rambo's trapped behind some asshole trying to make a left across 3 lanes of gridlock, let's put on something really bland and shitty, something even that vegan douche-bag in the left-turn-making Prius in front of him would consider a little too soft. Let's see, DMB… no that actually has some mass appeal, wait I've got it! Vertical Horizon - Everything You Want!" Here's a fun fact about that song, IT SUCKS! It sucked 10 years ago when it first came out, it sucks now, and in 2018 when some brain-dead retard over at the classic rock station finds that CD under a used condom, while huffing paint in the men's room… guess what? IT'S STILL GOING TO FUCKING SUCK! God! First you play 'Face Down' by Red Jumpsuit Apparatus, a track which proves it is possible to write a wussy song about domestic violence, then you play no less than 5 Lincoln Park songs in a row, and then top it off with Vertical fucking Horizon… well played sir. And you fuckers wonder why the consumer is switching to satellite radio. - Rambo (6/14/09 - 6/21/09)
Southerners. Their famous hospitality need not apply to strangers or people different than them. So unless you look absurd, with pleated khakis halfway up your thigh tucked into a pastel polo shirt with an alligator, croakies attaching your sunglasses, an SEC ball cap covering up a haircut meant for a toddler, and camouflage somewhere, expect to be ignored. Sure they are overcompensating for their lack of education and morality. So keep your annoying accents, adolescent marriages, conformity, and good ole' boy network, I'm only down here for your warm weather, not your culture.
- Drama (6/7/09 - 6/13/09)
Oprah Winfrey. Oprah has never been married, yet women take relationship advice from her like investors take stock tips from Warren Buffet. She ballooned upwards of 275 pounds several times but remains an authority on weight loss. The height of meglomania, she has a namesake magazine, in which She has appeared by herself on every single issue save one. Michelle Obama, the only other person to appear on the cover of this self-serving magazine, is seen posing with Ms. narcissistic herself. Please explain to me how a DAYTIME t.v. talk show host commands the respect that she imagines.
-Palosaurus Rex(05/31/09 - 06/06/09)
Jon & Kate and each one of their plus eight. This family is not newsworthy! When I look at GoogleNews I want to know what is going on in the world. I don't care if a celebrity marriage is in trouble. This should not be in GoogleNews, it should remain where its supposed to on the People/Nat'l Enquirer rack in a supermarket. Jon and Kate you decided to have 8 kids. Great, thats just irresponsible ... they outnumber you 4 to 1. I smell a mutiny brewing in the wind. What is more irresponsible is that you can barely afford 8 kids and have to get TLC to film your chaotic excuse for a life in order for you to make ends meet. How messed up are these kids going to be when their entire lives through their parents divorce is documented on national television? Granted I have never seen this show, but I doubt I would watch it for even a second. Unless you consider it the kind of watching you do with roadkill as you pass it by on the highway. You just can't take your eyes away from the horror of it all. -Sim Simma(05/24/09 - 05/30/09)
Twitter. Twitter is a place for self-absorbed, narcissistic individuals to try and convince themselves how awesome their lives are. No, I don't care that you got front row tickets to some wicked awesome super cool concert. No, I don't care that you can't decide what to wear tonight. If I cared, I would CALL. So stop this nonsense of posting one-liners about your worthless lives into space and hoping somebody will actually read them. If you're still trying to defend this mentally-challenged site, please check out this video.
-J Roll (05/17/09-05/23/09)
Women. Bitches be CrAzY!!!! -Sim Simma (05/10/09-05/16/09)
To some, this post may seem random and unprovoked; however, after a discussion regarding the above issue over dinner at Taco Mac recently, I have decided to examine the topic a little more in depth. I was originally going to use this as the weeks "Grind my Gears," but after thinking about it, I realized the length was going to be too great and it should be an entire blog post instead. Hell, if some dude could write an entire book on the subject (a little different angle, but same topic and overall message), the least I could do was complete a blog entry. Below are a few questions that have troubled me over the past few years that I would like to attempt to answer. Hopefully, this post will generate discussion because I would definitely like to hear differing opinions on the subject.
Well I guess I'll attempt to get some discussion rolling. Growing up in the south, I know I don't speak perfect english and sometimes skip an infinitive. However, I have always hated "text messaging language" or "IM speak." It's something to do with the laziness of not typing 2 more letters to spell out "you" and "are" among other phonetic abbreviations.
ReplyDeleteI think it comes from the same place ADD was born. One of my friends from SC tends to write "there" for whatever meaning of the pronunciation and even if I mention it to him, he just retorts, "(name) knows what I mean." After doing this for some years he has improved but it really seems to me that the issue stems from people not concentrating or paying attention in grade school and teachers not pressing the issue.
I've actually noticed in some emails from my boss that he misspells words and write incomplete sentences, but he is of an older generation and types with two fingers. He does fix some errors (during a meeting he had to send a couple emails) depending who it addressed.
and before you do it... omgzurgr8 *bang.. spray... splat.. drip drip drip*
I wouldn't entirely blame technology for the perceived degeneration of the spoken and written word in the United States. In fact I would not even go so far as to label it a degeneration. A degeneration would imply that a language is, in whatever method, losing its effectiveness as a medium of communication, in terms of accuracy, specificity, and efficiency. I would say that the English language is simply undergoing a series of healthy and normal mutations. Certain groups of English speakers are fragmenting off of the mainstream to experiment with different uses of established lexicon and syntax, as well as pioneering their own. They do so not only to tailor standard English to their own unique situation, but to vary the levels of the three aforementioned qualities of a language to better suit their communication needs. Technological advances such as mobile phones and the internet are not the harbinger of change in language, but merely an accelerant for a transition that has been omnipresent throughout history. A native speaker born in 1923 might frown on a modern adolescent expression of courtship "luv u 4er" (sent via mobile text) as lacking the grace and substance of a quote from Shakespeare, but that individual is not recognizing the communicative value of being able to reassure one's true love of his or her commitment of fidelity at 20 minute intervals until a reunion is possible after 5th period geometry. An older speaker might lament the fact that the vocabulary of young people often lacks 'uproarious' to describe situations of greater comic value than 'hilarious', but they fail to notice that the subtle difference between the two words is equally present in the adjectives 'lol' versus 'rofl'. These older generations are also discounting too heavily the historical 'degradations' of English, such as replacing 'thee' and 'thou' with the formality neutral 'you', or referring to a film as a 'movie' rather than a 'moving picture'. Thus while the use of English during the post-industrial era may appear to some as teetering on the precipice of advanced decay, to others it is on the cusp renaissance.
ReplyDeletejk u guys! as a ppl, n4tion, & cultr we r all fuckt! lol… ttyl!
ReplyDeleteI would say that JRoll and Rambo are both right.
ReplyDeleteJRoll: Sadly, a lot of people are just uneducated and quite frankly stupid. For example, most people cannot handle homonyms. There, their, and they're all sound the same and most people can't tell the difference between places, possession, and a contraction. Learn how to use it correct. It's not an instantaneous laziness, but rather not taking the time to learn how to use them right. As I've been learning in life, there are too many ignorant people out there. There always has been and always will be.
Rmabo: The evolution of a language is a great thing. Sometimes the language evolves culturally. Up north, it's acceptable to say "yous" and down south it's acceptable to say "ya'll." Although neither are correct, the listener understands the message you are conveying. I certainly wouldn't want to use either word on a job interview. Other times, technology has helped our language evolve. Text message and instant message abbreviations and slang are fine if both parties understand each other. However, we will need educated youth that will someday write our future books and academic research articles. Thanks to the capital market, the smart will succeed.
The interesting thing with language (in a non-academic setting) is that the tone and words you choose can help your target audience feel more comfortable. While living in the south, I'll sometimes use the southern dialect. When talking to the custodial staff, I might ask, "How you be?" Although, it is not correct, it's easier to relate and creates a friendly atmosphere.
To further understand my point about tone and the text message language. I may slave over a simple two-sentence email to a friend for an hour, but purposely not use capitalization. I know how to use capital letters, but in that situation, I want the reader to think that it was casual and breezy.
Whenever you use language, you are conveying a message. With proper sentence structure and grammar, you make it easier for the reader to understand you and look educated. Other times, you might be trying to seem from a certain region of the country or maybe even trying to sound younger. An old guy like me has to do that sometimes, lol.
Although it may appear that our generation (Is Drama included in that?) has become illiterate through the use of technology, I believe that the cause of this concern is more based on what programs you are viewing this deterioration of intellect.
ReplyDeleteThis may be a stretch depending on the cultural area you look at, but I believe that most high school graduates can find the problems with their spelling and grammar. They are just too lazy to do so in typing quick e-mails/IMs and short updates, such as on Twitter or AIM. These forms of communication are supposed to be informal and in some cases are brief and fleeting (maybe not really supposed to be read by anyone in Twitter's case) and can be changed quickly upon a person's return to that program. This may create the image of ignorance amongst the older populace that are just beginning to experience firsthand what these communication programs are all about. As an example my Mom uses AIM and it takes her about 4-5 minutes to write a response to me because she writes in full paragraphs instead of answering a quick question with a phrase. This delays communication between us and makes me irritated because I am used to typing in quick phrases and getting quick responses when on that program.
Now I understand your dismay if you receive e-mails at work or have an important document such as a resume that has these errors included in it. Being lazy with your work should not happen. That, to me, shows ignorance, and if not that, lack of initiative for a person in the working world. But, if it is AIM or yahoo mail from a friend then I say let it go.